


Private Time- Or at least what SHOULD have been.

by Morpheel



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Fingerfucking, Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, Interrupted, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation Interruptus, Neighbors, Oral Sex, Pampering, Prostate Massage, Superpowers, self-care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-09 02:15:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13471554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morpheel/pseuds/Morpheel
Summary: Eduardo’s attempts at pampering himself go horribly wrong when, once again, his neighbor’s shitty antics result in an interruption. An interruption that included Edd shooting through his wall and leaving a gaping hole where his window used to be.Despite the frustrations at being interrupted, maybe Eduardo can make something better of this?





	Private Time- Or at least what SHOULD have been.

**Author's Note:**

> It's about time I wrote cola losers smut, eh?

Fucking **finally** , Eduardo had some free time to himself.

In the usual day to day hustle, Eddie swore there was always something to stop him from getting some private time. Whether it was the neighbor’s shitty antics, Jon’s hair brained ideas, or Marks’ tendency to attract trouble- Eduardo could confidently state that he never had time with the house to himself.

Yet today? He finally had the entire double story place all to his lonesome. Jon was out with some friends and Mark was at work for the next few hours. As empty as the place felt without their usual background noise Eduardo could confidently state he needed this more than ever.

He hasn’t jerked off in a goddamn week.

With doors always flying open left and right, and a constant need for the bathroom; there just was never any time to wank it in this fucking house. Not even a quickie in the shower was manageable when Mark had his beauty routine for modeling and Jon always needed to pee.

Not to mention they had quite the habit of throwing open the shower curtains and asking for face wash or toothpaste or some stupid shit they left inside of the shower for god knows what reason.

Yeah, living with two other active dudes was hell, but finally Eduardo could settle down and really pamper himself for a change.

A warm bath spent rubbing up and down his thighs, with a candle and soft Spanish music drifting through the speaks of his phone. A good home cooked meal sitting  comfortably within his stomach. Oils and scented lotions rubbing into his skin for the full effect; he was hardly like Mark, but was there really any shame in pampering himself a bit?

No, so he would.

With a towel wrapped around himself, Eduardo made sure to close the blinds before he settled back into the sheets. His hair was still pretty damp but he wouldn’t let it stop him. The music was plugged into the speakers surrounding his green-themed room, not caring particularly about the volume given that he was the only one home.

Took a bit of shifting to get himself properly settled, yet when he did, he was already half-mast and steadily growing in anticipation for getting to actually pleasure himself after god knows how long. His head was largely sensitive as he wrapped his hand around the shaft, giving it a small squeeze that had his breath shifting.

He considered pulling out the playboy magazine that he kept under his bed for occasions such as this- but no, he would just let this session take its own course. His voice stuttered a bit as he felt his lubrication oiled palm slide down the length of his cock, before pressing into the base in a manner that left him feeling starstruck.

Oh yeah, he’d really drag this one out. The oil was steadily warming the longer that he worked it along himself, rubbing and twisting and teasing the circumcision scar that felt just a bit more sensitive than the rest of him. He was really getting into it too.

There was only one thing he could think to make this even better in the end. He pulled away, despite the way his cock ached in protest. The oil was back in his palm as he slathered a generous amount along his fingers. A bit dripped onto the covers but he didn’t really mind.

Instead he leaned back and spread his legs open once more, teasing a single finger along the rim of his ass. His breath hitched as his palm picked up the speed once more. His cock dripped pre as he stroked himself in time with the circling of his entrance, before squeezing down tight to stop himself from cumming as the finger pressed deep inside of him right off the bat.

“Fuck…”

He turned his head to the side as the sensitivity got to him, grip on his cock never lessening as he rubbed the finger along his walls to smear himself generously with oil. It was a sensation all its own, to feel a single finger teasing the edge of his prostate with every occasional pass.

He saw stars by the time he started stroking again, confident that the urge to cum was quelled down for the time being. He bit his lower lip raw in an attempt to stifle his noises, however. Alone or not he couldn’t stand the sound of his own pleasured voice.

This continued as such for a couple of minutes, a single finger driving him to the edge before pulling back and squeezing himself to stop the buildup of pleasure. He was going to goddamn pamper himself. Even if the sounds of the neighbor’s bullshit was becoming audible over his music.

No no, he wouldn’t focus on them. This was Eddie time, not stupid fucking idiotic neighbor time.

He managed to work a second finger inside of himself as the noise momentarily died down, feeling peace settling across the room once more as the guitar solo of his favorite song was picking back up again. He curled his fingers in time to the strums of the guitar, breath pulling in a broken gasp at the intense sensation so deep inside of himself.

Eduardo stroked himself a bit faster as the urge to cum came once more, this time even thinking about indulging himself in an orgasm. No doubt it would be mind-blowing after the edging he built himself up for. Already his hips were twitching off of the bed, rising up into his own palm as his hips gyrated in small circles.

He was so fucking close, he could taste it- or was that just the blood from biting on his tongues so hard to keep quiet? Fuck it, he couldn’t hold back any more. Just as his wrist sped up to finish himself off, the sweet taste of release so fucking close- his eyes shot open as he heard a resounding crash rip through the walls of his own room.

The light against his sensitive eyes hurt like a motherfucker, squinting at the sudden gaping hole that was left in his bedroom. Shock took over before any other emotion could surface, eyes wide as he realized just what a 360 this day took.

His dresser was shattered to pieces, his window missing from the wall as a huge hole was left in its wake. The blast had shot outwards, managing to shatter his bedroom mirror as well and effectively cover most of his possessions in a fine layer of splinters, glass, dust, and wall insulation foam.

And sitting in the center of it all was his loser of a fucking neighbor.

Edd looked completely out of it as he sat in the middle of the wreck that his bedroom had become, head spinning as his helmet was skewed to the side of his face rather than the top of his head. His hoodie was covered in debris, yet not a single cut or injury remained on him due to his lingering superpowers.

He seemed to not even know where he was at first, eyes unfocused as Eduardo could only look in horror as brown met green. “Did I make it to heaven?” he asked, his tone slurred and eyes unfocused as steadily they traveled down Eduardo’s body instead.

Oh shit. He was still completely fucking naked and jerking it, covered in oils and soaps that made his darker skin borderline glow.

“Guess I have.” Edd had muttered, rising up and dusting himself off as the pain seemed to spread through his body with the simple motion. His eyes moved along Eduardo’s room then, still swaying a bit as the room seemed to spin with disorientation. “Heaven’s a lot more plain than I thought it would be. Hell’s way more fun.” He stated with confidence, before the feeling of a full can of diet coke lobbing into his head caught his attention.

“Wha-?”

He hardly had time to think before a barrage of cans was lobbed in his direction, the soda inside fizzing and popping with each harsh connection to his already sore and battered body. He could only raise his arms and try to fend them off, steadily getting knocked to his senses as his eyes flew open in distress. “Woah-! What the fuck?”

It was then that he managed to get a proper look at Eduardo, and boy was Edd’s face priceless. He turned a shade of red that could only be described as mother fucking Christmas as he took in the debauched look that Eddie sported. With the sheets hastily pulled sideways over his body, inches of tanned and oiled skin met his eyes as his thighs trembled from just how **painful** being  blue-balled was.

He looked like something out of a renaissance oil painting, with the folds of the fabric pulled in such a way that it barely concealed his straining erection. His chest rose and fell in a mix of exertion and sheer fucking fury as the sun glistened gorgeously off of his smooth skin.

If Edd had any sense of self preservation, it was gone with the wind as his lips slowly curved up into a wide, knowing smile. “Was I interrupting?”

“GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, GOLD.” He screamed, keeping the sheets wound tight around him as his last can of Diet Coke was pulled from the 18 pack he kept by his bed. It landed square on the side of Edd’s forehead, yet only resulted in a slight thunk before hitting the ground.

Edd looked to the now-broken can spurting a steady stream of carbonated soda onto the carpet, kneeling down and lifting it up a second later out of slight consideration. Granted it just was thrown right out the gaping hole in their second story window, but still.

Eduardo was panting from exertion, his anger issue spiking his blood pressure in a way that had him feeling a bit lightheaded from anger. “Why the hell…did you blow a goddamn hole into my wall?” he asked, feeling his temper about to snap as he became aware of how naked he really was.

He grabbed his button down and began to shrug it onto his shoulders, already knowing there was just no way to get off properly anymore. Once again he was cockblocked, only in the worst and most expensive of manners.

“Well uh. Long story-” Edd stated, politely averting his eyes despite the temptation to watch each inch of skin before it became covered by the tacky green button up Eduardo had. “Save it.” His neighbor stated, instead narrowing deep green eyes at Edd as he made himself decent once more.

Nothing could cover those gorgeous thighs of his though, and how nice they looked sticking out from under the covers. Covers which were hopelessly tangled to the point Eduardo didn’t even want to try and fix them.

“Just tell me the short version, and then you can kindly throw yourself outta the goddamn hole.” He said, already wondering what the fuck he was going to tell the insurance agent. They were getting awfully fucking tired of having to deal with their asses.

Snapped out of the trance that was Eduardo’s thighs, Edd just rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck as he realized how fucking stupid what he said would be. “Well, uh. We took a vacation to hell one day, but it just got us curious. What would heaven look like? So Tom bought a gigantic canon, we pointed it upwards, and just wanted to see if we could visit. I was the test monkey since I could fly down but.”

He cleared his throat, feeling embarrassment rising to the surface of his cheeks. “The canon wasn’t secure. So when it counted down, it suddenly fell down and directed me to your bedroom. And uh. Here I am.” He said, spreading his arms open in a sheepish gesture.

Eduardo was not looking amused.

“Okay. Now get the fuck outta here you crazy ass son of a bitch.” He hissed, feeling his ire mood grow as he knew he’d just need to spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning instead of actually getting off like he wanted to. He was just about to turn over when suddenly he felt Edd getting into his personal space, eyes blown wide in surprise as he noticed Edd’s guilty expression hovering over his face.

“I uh. I totally fucked up, I know. I’ll get out if you want to but uh. If you need some help just let me know?” He suggested, his tone dipping down into a nervous note that had even Eduardo’s anger burning out into nothing but sheer awkwardness.

They were just staring at each other, baited breath held as Eduardo spun the question around within his head. Help him out? “Uh, what. Like. Cleaning?” he asked, wanting clarification that Edd was totally talking about what Eduardo thought he was.

From the way Edd’s cheeks stained a deeper red, Eduardo very quickly got the idea that this was going to be an interesting conversation.

It wasn’t that Edd was unattractive by any means- it was just that the dude literally broke through his fucking window, fucked up his jerk off session, and generally existed as a constant pain in his side for the longest of time.

Yet with the way that the loser was stuttering over his words? It was actually kind of cute, seeing him try to wave his hand in passive dismissal. “No no, I mean uh. Y’know what you’re right I totally screwed up and I’m sorry so I’m just gonna-“ he made his way over to the hole in the wall, getting so far as to stick a single leg outside of it before Eduardo sighed and rose from his spot on the bed.

His button down at least fell down over the top of his thighs, leaving little to the imagination and yet keeping him decent enough to storm over to Edd. He had given him a perfect excuse for his company and by god would Eddie take it.

He gripped the green fabric of Edd’s hoodie tight between his grip, before using his super strength to literally yank Edd away from the edge before he could go over. The larger male looked baffled by this, turning over to stare at Eduardo in surprise before finding himself pulled down into a bruising kiss.

He saw heaven as he pulled back, hazel eyes slowly moving down Eddie’s debauched form. His cock was flaccid under the button down once more, yet the sight of his thighs had Edd swallowing down drly. “Wha- what was that about?” he asked, only to have to stifle a groan of arousal when Eduardo’s fingers tangled down into the back of his hair and yanked him closer down.

“You aren’t walking out of this one that easily, fucker.” He hissed, before yanking Edd’s neck back to plant a lingering kiss right below his pulse. His next words had even him surprised by the intensity of them. “You cost me a jerk off session, so you’re going to give me the best orgasm of my fucking life.”

He didn’t hear any complains over the bubbling groan in the back of Edd’s throat, so he let go of those brown locks. Of course he wasn’t exactly expected to find hands on his thigh that quickly, sliding over the oil and squeezing the flesh that met near the base of his groin. He grunted as Edd spread his legs open, finding his head spinning when lips planted on his own.

Eddie was kissing the dude that just flew through his fucking window. He had full rights to question his sanity- until suddenly Edd’s mouth traveled down along his neck, down his chest, and pulled up his button down in one swift motion. His half-hard cock was exposed to the chill blowing through his wall, only twitching further in interest at the sensation of Edd’s mouth kissing greedily along his naval.

He swore as teeth pushed their way into his skin, the suction of his mouth working on leaving a series of dark hickeys and lovebites scattered all over his lower stomach and hips. It was enough to have him biting at his sleeve, the combination of pain and pleasure overriding as his hips bucked up in response to the stimulus.

Nimble fingers dug into Edd’s scalp as greedy eyes stared up at him, only growing hungrier by the second as Eduardo used his one free hand to hastily pop open each button to his shirt once more. He felt too warm yet freezing cold at the same time.

A particularly rough bite had Eduardo crying out, having to bite harder at his sleeve as drool quickly saturated the fabric when Edd’s fingers slid back down to the cleft of his ass. He could feel rough callouses brushing along the smooth skin, catching on his rim and pulling the stretched skin open further.

Eddie’s breathing was ragged as he hunched forward, hand desperately attempting to pull Edd down closer to where his cock stood at full attention once more. His head spun pleasantly at the first sensation of fingers dipping inside of him- before his eyes blearily opened to the sight of blue and purple blotches silhouetted in the light of the hole.

Instantly his eyes snapped open as the final button to his shirt fell open, Edd not even aware of the audience as Eduardo harshly yanked his head back. The man came off with a wet pop, a low growl leaving him as it was clear he wasn’t done marking Eduardo up yet.

Yet when Eduardo turned his head harshly behind him, Edd’s eyes were wide in shock as they met with startled blue and black. Matt and Tom stood at the entrance of the hole, just watching the scene in clear shock.

“Edd?” Matt asked, before Tom just stated, “Nope,” as he dropped down from the second story. He wasn’t about to deal with this, not when Eduardo looked pissed enough to blow.

Hell, even Edd was fixing Matt with a harsh stare as he pulled Eduardo closer by his hips. “I’m kind of busy now.” he said, turning back to the tanned skin before him to leave yet another wet hickey along the surface. Eduardo’s breath hitched in pleasure at the sensation, before clenching his fists tighter in his hair when Edd’s fingers buried deep into his hole with one simple thrust.

Matt squeaked in surprise, throwing a hand over his eye as the vampire turned away to glide his way back down on manifested wings. “Uh- sorry, guys! Just wanted to be sure Edd was okay since he didn’t come back immediately!” he stated, just as a pathetic explanation for justifying the invasion of, erm…privacy.

Well.

Despite the slight hitch in their plans, it seemed that Edd was back into action, pumping his oil slick fingers into Eduardo’s ass while his mouth traveled downwards to the sides of his hips. The love handles that the man had were intoxicating to sink his teeth into, leaving hickeys and spots any place his tongue landed on.

While his one hand remained busy inside of Eduardo’s ass, Edd couldn’t help himself as he moved his own to the bulge growing inside of his pants. This was hotter than he wanted to admit, getting laid with his shitty-attitude neighbor.

He pulled back just long enough to place a kiss to Eduardo’s cockhead, reveling in the way that he bucked his hips desperately in response. The sting in his hair only spurred Edd on further, tongue laving out along the head of his cock as he pressed his lips to the crown.

He tasted precum, salty and sweet on his tongue, as he gathered it up with a single swipe from base to tip. His breath was hot and warm along Eduardo’s cock, brown eyes meeting green as a smug smile spread across his lips. “You’re smaller than I thought.” He noted, giving the five inch cock a small squeeze.

Even with the slight injury to his pride, Eduardo couldn’t help himself as both his hands came down to grip the back of Edd’s head. He pushed him against the side of his cock, his glare containing no real fire outside of the lust burning through his abdomen. “Fuck- just shut the hell up and suck me already.”

Not needing to be told twice, Edd gave Eduardo exactly what he wanted. And god was the reaction gorgeous.

His back arched like a bowstring when Edd managed to take him down to the hilt near immediately, throat squeezing tight around him as the larger man managed to take him near effortlessly. His nose was buried into Eduardo’s curls at the base of his cock, eyes shut tight in concentration was every twist of Edd’s fingers had him nearly ready to buckle.

Both of his hands were holding on tight to Edd’s shoulders, nearly scratching in their hold as Edd kept his hips as still as possible with one arm. Every time Eduardo swore he would blow right then Edd was pulling back, chapped lips catching along his cock, before taking in a deep breath and swallowing him back down again.

He was in cloud nine as Edd continued to blow him, two fingers fitting into three, before Eduardo could feel Edd’s wrists twisting awkwardly in order to properly reach deeper inside of him. He was at a bad angle for this for sure, and no doubt his wrist was growing sorer and sorer as he went.  But goddamn did he appreciate it.

Eduardo felt tears at the corner of his eyes when Edd swallowed down around him, a mix of spit and pre trying to escape from the cola loser’s lips as he turned his head up to Eduardo. He was looking at him with such an intensity that it locked Eddie in place, hips freezing as he watched his partner’s cheeks hollow in a deep suck.

It was like the sensation was delayed, yet when it hit him? Eduardo let out a coarse shout as he came hard, stars flashing behind his eyes as each drop of his cum was swallowed down by Edd’s suction. He was shaking by the time he realized he had fallen back onto the bed, thighs splayed open and held up by Edd’s grip.

Only when oversensitivity threated to take over did he managed to carefully pry Edd’s head off, looking at the red tint to his swollen lips. The way his tongue passed over them was outright sinful, predatory in a way that had him scooting further up his bed with a glassy look in his eyes.

He could see the outline of Edd’s cock through his slacks, heavy and no doubt straining against the seam after the show that Eduardo unknowingly put on for him. He shifted himself within his pants, before Eddie couldn’t help himself as he reached forward to cup the bulge in his palm.

He massaged the underside of it, fingers applying a pressure that had Edd doubling over ontop of him. His large arms framed Eduardo’s head, their gazes meeting in mutual admiration of each other. He pulled his lower lip between his teeth, feeling heat beginning to rush through him despite his orgasm just passing.

“Need some help there?” he asked, throat hoarse from the noises he had been making as he squeezed Edd firmly within his hold.

Yet Edd didn’t get a chance to respond.

“Eduardo, why the fuck is there a hole in your- oh.”

The even tone cut off immediately as Mark stepped into Eduardo’s room without even thinking about knocking, the model frozen in place as he took in the sight of their neighbor hovering over his roommate. Eduardo and Edd both whipped their head to stare at him, taken by surprise for a **second** time at the intrusion.

Mark came home early.

It took a few solid seconds of staring before suddenly the anger burning inside of Eduardo reignited again.

“DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO FUCKING KNOCK IN THIS GODDAMN HOUSEHOLD?” He yelled, face flushed in a combination of anger and sheer embarrassment.

Needless to say, Eduardo was in for a long, long day.


End file.
